Hi, I currently have a boyfriend but I think I might be a lesbian instead of bi and I don’t know what to do/how to talk to him about it.

Thanks for getting in touch with queeries. Questioning your sexual orientation is a process that can take a while sometimes. In this situation, the important thing is to remember to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your thoughts and feelings.

It’s worth also considering that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are not necessarily the same thing. For example, someone can be homosexual (sexually attracted to the same sex), but also be heteroromantic (romantically only attracted to the opposite sex). People can be any combination of sexual (or asexual) and romantic (or aromantic) orientations, and without this language, can find it hard to describe their exact feelings.

If you feel a lack of sexual attraction towards your partner, I think it’s necessary to talk about these feelings sooner rather than later, so both of you can decide what type of relationship you want to be in (be that sexual, romantic, platonic, or no relationship) to avoid it building up further down the line and resulting in people having their feelings hurt even more. It’s not going to be an easy conversation to have with your boyfriend, but I would strongly encourage you to have it.

-Queeries

I want an open relationship but my partner doesn’t. I love them and we’ve been together for 3 years but I just don’t know what to do.

Every relationship will inevitably face a divergence in wants, needs and desires. The key skill to master to overcome these issues is communication. Sitting down with your partner and clearly stating what you want from the relationship is the only way you’ll be able to deal with the issue.

While you may feel that you want an “open” relationship, and you partner desires complete monogamy, it’s worth considering that relationship “openness” operates on a spectrum. Discuss each others boundaries and what is and isn’t acceptable, you may be able to reach a compromise.

I’d also highly recommend reading a book like The Ethical Slut for a more in-depth understanding of consensual non-monogamy.

-Queeries

hey haha random one for you: any tips on how to dress more gay ?? i identify as a woman & am quite femme so that means I look super straight… I know I don’t have to look like a lesbian but it would definitelyhelp my dating life a bit😂😂

Thank you for getting in touch with Queeries!

First off, there is no one specific way to look ‘gay’, and the most important thing is to dress how you feel comfortable. Saying this, if you’d like to experiment some more with your wardrobe then have some fun with it!

Why not try looking for some items in charity shops or vintage shops? You’ll probably have to rummage a bit, but you can source some great finds here. Something such as a jacket or a shirt can really transform your whole look. Apps such as ‘depop’ and ‘vinted’ are great too for buying secondhand and vintage clothing and shoes.

Perhaps you could also try experimenting more with colours and patterns. Although previously a ‘fashion faux pas’, clashing patterns are making a comeback and can really help your uniqueness shine. Try out some different shapes than what you’re used to, such as maybe some flared trousers or padded shoulder blazers.

It’s also sometimes helpful to look at what other people are wearing. What celebrities dress how you would like to dress? Look at some of their fashion choices that you love and from there you can search for items to create a similar look.

The most important thing here is to have fun and dress yourself in a way that makes you feel the most confident and authentic.

I hope this has helped a little bit and we wish you the best of luck in your clothing adventures!

-Queeries