#8 “I currently have a boyfriend, but think I might be a lesbian.”

Hi, I currently have a boyfriend but I think I might be a lesbian instead of bi and I don’t know what to do/how to talk to him about it.

Thanks for getting in touch with queeries. Questioning your sexual orientation is a process that can take a while sometimes. In this situation, the important thing is to remember to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your thoughts and feelings.

It’s worth also considering that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are not necessarily the same thing. For example, someone can be homosexual (sexually attracted to the same sex), but also be heteroromantic (romantically only attracted to the opposite sex). People can be any combination of sexual (or asexual) and romantic (or aromantic) orientations, and without this language, can find it hard to describe their exact feelings.

If you feel a lack of sexual attraction towards your partner, I think it’s necessary to talk about these feelings sooner rather than later, so both of you can decide what type of relationship you want to be in (be that sexual, romantic, platonic, or no relationship) to avoid it building up further down the line and resulting in people having their feelings hurt even more. It’s not going to be an easy conversation to have with your boyfriend, but I would strongly encourage you to have it.